Cause I need a funny...

And there is no such thing as enough Nathan Fillion...

Conundrums

Does that word mean what I think it means? Can I spell it? Who knows?

I am having a dilemma. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I am not happy with my job. I am a mixture of bored out of my gourd and overwhelmed. Maybe overwhelmed isn't the correct word, I need something that mean anxiety provoking.

There is not enough, at this time, to keep me busy all day. Which for me, is not a good thing. The work that there is, I am totally blind to. I am totally making it up as I go along. Problem is, I received zero training and there is no one in my office familiar with the job that I can ask questions. So I guess. And surprise! that makes me extremely uncomfortable. I like a specific list of what has to be done and how to do it. I am definitely a "follow the rules" kind of person. This uncertainty is going to continue for at least 2 more weeks, probably until the end of January when I know some new work (that I know how to do) will be coming.

This is extremely anxiety provoking. And shocker! I have an issue with anxiety. Like an official diagnosed and medicated problem. Unfortunately the medicated part of it doesn't take care of it 100%. I sit in my office shaking and freaking out because I don't know what to do. I have been in this position for 6 months and still don't feel any better about it.

It would follow that I need to find a new job. Great. With the place I am in with my anxiety levels and my depression, I am doubting every potential decision I make. I honestly have no idea what I should do.

I have an option. I could teach. That feels like a good possibility. I would definitely be busy and I really want the hours. (Now that the husband is working fulltime, childcare has been a fun game to play.) BUT, I remember being very stressed while I was teaching and what if I hate it? Plus, if I decide to apply for teaching positions to go through the interview process and see how I feel about it, I have to let me bosses know. The school district requires current letters of recommendation. I know my bosses would be supportive of any decision I make, but still...

ARGHHHHHH...

I should be grateful. I have a "good" job. The husband has a good job. My logical side says that I should see this through for a year and then evaluate how I feel about it. My irrational, LOUD side says that I have no clue how to do my job, I am a big old fraud pretending, and I am going to get caught screwing up.

Seems like every email I send out says, "I appreciate your patience as I learn the..."

Sigh... and it's fricking cold outside and I hate the cold and I don't know what to get anyone for Christmas. Meh!

And How are YOU doing?

Something I read today that made me think...

If you decide that your daughter is simply too young, tell her. She should know that it’s your job to protect her from things that may be frightening and not age appropriate. She doesn’t have to like it. No child has ever thanked their parent in real time for setting boundaries.

The Mounthy Housewives

File Under - Do not show this to my husband

Funniest thing Ever!

Go. Read. Now.

Bits and Pieces

The husband started his new job Monday. It seems to be going well, and he is happy with it.

Consequently, he is out the door at 7:30 on the dot and I now do mornings with the kiddo. Fed, watered, dressed by 8:10 so they can get on the bus before I can head to work. The bus comes anytime between 8:10 and 8:30. I cross my fingers for 8:15. I sit in my car across the street from where the bus picks them up just to make sure they get on.

Monday was uneventful until 9am. I get the call at work that the boy is sporting 102 fever and I need to come pick him up. Monday and Tuesday I am home with the boy watching bad tv and playing Wii. I have no vacation or sick time, so, oh joy!, the paycheck will fall a little short. Thank goodness for the husband's new job.

Tuesday, about 8:20am, the girl child comes running back to the house, as the neighbor boy is running back to his, shrieking something about how they have missed the bus and the boy needs to have his dad take them to school. I turned the girl around, explained that the bus wasn't even late yet, and I would wait with her for the bus. I didn't even make it to the corner before the bus was pulling up. I assume the neighbor boy got his dad to take him to school, since he wasn't there.

Wednesday, I decided that the boy child was well and ready to return to school. At 8:10 I am trying to shove them out the door, when the boy has a meltdown because he can't find some toy he thinks he needs to take with him. I peek out the door and lo and behold the bus is at the corner. The girl races for the bus and gets on. The boy is still mid-meltdown. The bus hesitates for a few seconds and drives off, girl on the bus, boy in the living room. I throw the boy in the car (my announcement that the bus left without him halted the meltdown) and chase down the bus. I have a general idea which way it goes. I see it cross a street up in front of me. As soon as it stops to pick up another child I have the car stopped boy out of the car and on the bus.

Thursday it is raining. I tell the kids to get in the car. They can sit with me in the dry car on the corner and wait for the bus. There are no other children in sight (we can see the stop before ours). So I listened to kiddos for 7 minutes telling me that they have missed the bus, which I promptly ignore, because I know there is no way in hell the bus was early on a rainy day. It wasn't. The bus came, they kids got out of the car and were on their way.

This morning was uneventful and getting ready and getting on the bus went just the way it was supposed to. Thank God for small favors. I even got to work at a decent time.

We won't even get into the craziness that student council is putting me through due to the fact that it is homecoming week. Let's just say that my feet and my thighs are killing me.