Whine

Me: My wine is gone.
Husband: Understand that after this, there is no more.

Good husband - bought me a bottle of wine for after the 8 year old birthday party
Bad husband - He only bought one.

Time flies

whether you want it to or not, no matter what you are doing. Unless of course you are doing something you dread then it creeps by or worse seems to move backwards. But that's not the point.

What is the point?

My baby is 8. She's my oldest, but my two are so close in age (they are 16 months apart. Yes, I did do it on purpose. Yes, I am mentally unstable. What's your point)... as I was saying... they are so close in age that I consider both of them my babies.

She's tall, she's mature, and she's 8. Eight! EIGHT! How did this happen? Soon she'll be 10 and then a teenager, and I have been listening to all of you, I know the best is coming.

Sigh.

It isn't enough that I have to deal with my emotional ramifications of her getting another year older... we have to have the dreaded birthday party. I suggested a nice bowling party or pottery painting. You know something where you go somewhere, not your home, and someone, not you, sets it up and cleans it up. Somehow we are doing a kids party in my house. I will have 10 under 10s running around my house which is currently a disaster area. The whole house needs to be bulldozed and start over.

By tomorrow afternoon.

Last night her brother got upset because HE hadn't gotten her a present yet. And I forgot all about buying plates and forks and stuff. And I suppose I should have some sort of activity for them to do. And my parents are coming and I have to remember to get clean sheets on their bed.

Do you feel sorry for me yet?

I didn't think so.

Oh, and Uncle Anon, she squeed when she saw your gift.

Want

Want:

It's not a toy

The girl child came to me this morning with one of her beanie baby kittens gingerly held in her hands. It was spread eagle on its back.

"Mommy, brother killed my kitten."

"I guess you will have to use some mommy magic to bring him back to life."

She looks at me completely serious with tears and says, "They may just be toys to you, but they are REAL to me!"

I wonder if I need to start planning the funeral.

We talked about something else for a minute and then I noticed that although the kitten was still on its back she had curled it into a ball.

"Mommy! He's not dead, just sick!"

"I guess then he will just need a little mommy love to make he all better."

What have I been up to?

Because I am too lazy to think of something to write, here are my Tweets for the last couple of days:

1. 1 degree outside. Too effing cold! The day should be called on account of freezing.
2. why oh why must #thebachelor suck me in everytime? I'm hooked. about 14 hours ago from TweetDeck
3. why why why must he always keep the one who is so obviously WRONG. #bachelor about 14 hours ago from TweetDeck
4. @kirstensmom World War Z is about zombies too. :D about 14 hours ago from TweetDeck in reply to kirstensmom
5. @subtlepen I can't stop laughing - omg it's like a car wreck. I love this show! about 15 hours ago from TweetDeck in reply to subtlepen
6. these Bachelorettes are so cheesy - I'm dying here about 15 hours ago from TweetDeck
7. http://abc.go.com/shows/the-bachelor <<-- my project for the evening. Let the snark begin. about 15 hours ago from TweetDeck
   
8. Ooooooo - new Bachelor starts tonight. #guiltypleasures about 16 hours ago from TweetDeck
9. As much as I want to go home, I don't want to go outside. It's single digits out there and I am a wuss. about 17 hours ago from web
10. I am on my 3rd highlighter of the day. It's like I am the Highlighter Killer. about 19 hours ago from web
11. Trying to decide between starting "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" and "World War Z". about 23 hours ago from web
12. 1st day back to school 4 kiddos. Missed bus so waited in ginormous line to drop off at school. 1/2 hour late to work. 1 degree out. Damn! 9:52 AM Jan 4th from web
13. My daughter is making a WoW character with her dad. Why did I think that "I" would be the one addicted to that game? 4:24 PM Jan 3rd from TweetDeck
14. omg it's snowing! Jeez, I am so oblivious. 12:23 PM Jan 3rd from TweetDeck
15. RT @MarinkaNYC: Omg, it's the day before Monday Eve Day, isn't it? <<-- well, that just ruined my night. Going to bed now. 9:19 PM Jan 2nd from TweetDeck
16. RT @Alyssa_Milano: RT @amon_thoth: "Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be" - Abraham Lincoln #quote 9:11 PM Jan 2nd from TweetDeck
17. my children are thwarting all attempts to go to sleep. I am going to be out before they are. 9:32 PM Jan 1st from TweetDeck
18. Hope everyone had their perfect New Years Eve and a great New Years day! Happy New Year all! I am headed south to pick up my kiddos. 11:26 AM Jan 1st from TweetDeck
19. Going to go see Sherlock Holmes this afternoon, then dinner and bed early. 2:55 PM Dec 31st, 2009 from web
20. Meh... 9:39 AM Dec 31st, 2009 from web
21. @subtlepen my brain says I should be somewhere warm and tropical with cabana boys and drinks with umbrellas. 10:20 AM Dec 30th, 2009 from web in reply to subtlepen
22. It is still snowing, big pretty flakes. The kind where you should be home with a fireplace, a blanket, and a book. 8:45 AM Dec 30th, 2009 from web
23. It snowed. Time to find out if I remember how to drive in this stuff or if I am one of those idiots on the road I complain about. 8:04 AM Dec 30th, 2009 from TweetDeck
24. Avatar. Awesome. Worth every penny. 8:32 AM Dec 29th, 2009 from web
25. Off for a little dinner then some Avatar. Can I squeee now? 5:27 PM Dec 28th, 2009 from web
26. Get to go see Avatar tonight! 1:48 PM Dec 28th, 2009 from web
27. Is it time to go home yet? 10 am. Crap. 9:58 AM Dec 28th, 2009 from web
28. Hi ho hi ho, it's off to work I go... blech! 8:53 AM Dec 28th, 2009 from TweetDeck
29. For the 1st time in family history I won annual Christmas card game. With minimal glaring and bickering. I will not be letting any1 forget. 12:03 PM Dec 26th, 2009 from web
30. Time to begin the annual Christmas night Uno game. Everyone better watch out because I have a good feeling about this. 8:54 PM Dec 25th, 2009 from web
31. Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good... well, just have a good one! 10:53 AM Dec 25th, 2009 from web
32. Off to do some last minute shopping as soon as the babysitter gets here. Then it's off to Grandma's when the hubby gets home from work. 8:57 AM Dec 23rd, 2009 from TweetDeck

Cause I need a funny...

And there is no such thing as enough Nathan Fillion...

Conundrums

Does that word mean what I think it means? Can I spell it? Who knows?

I am having a dilemma. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I am not happy with my job. I am a mixture of bored out of my gourd and overwhelmed. Maybe overwhelmed isn't the correct word, I need something that mean anxiety provoking.

There is not enough, at this time, to keep me busy all day. Which for me, is not a good thing. The work that there is, I am totally blind to. I am totally making it up as I go along. Problem is, I received zero training and there is no one in my office familiar with the job that I can ask questions. So I guess. And surprise! that makes me extremely uncomfortable. I like a specific list of what has to be done and how to do it. I am definitely a "follow the rules" kind of person. This uncertainty is going to continue for at least 2 more weeks, probably until the end of January when I know some new work (that I know how to do) will be coming.

This is extremely anxiety provoking. And shocker! I have an issue with anxiety. Like an official diagnosed and medicated problem. Unfortunately the medicated part of it doesn't take care of it 100%. I sit in my office shaking and freaking out because I don't know what to do. I have been in this position for 6 months and still don't feel any better about it.

It would follow that I need to find a new job. Great. With the place I am in with my anxiety levels and my depression, I am doubting every potential decision I make. I honestly have no idea what I should do.

I have an option. I could teach. That feels like a good possibility. I would definitely be busy and I really want the hours. (Now that the husband is working fulltime, childcare has been a fun game to play.) BUT, I remember being very stressed while I was teaching and what if I hate it? Plus, if I decide to apply for teaching positions to go through the interview process and see how I feel about it, I have to let me bosses know. The school district requires current letters of recommendation. I know my bosses would be supportive of any decision I make, but still...

ARGHHHHHH...

I should be grateful. I have a "good" job. The husband has a good job. My logical side says that I should see this through for a year and then evaluate how I feel about it. My irrational, LOUD side says that I have no clue how to do my job, I am a big old fraud pretending, and I am going to get caught screwing up.

Seems like every email I send out says, "I appreciate your patience as I learn the..."

Sigh... and it's fricking cold outside and I hate the cold and I don't know what to get anyone for Christmas. Meh!

And How are YOU doing?